Day 9

I admitted to my therapist and my friend that I am starting to pray and listen to discussions about God and the Bible.  Both were open and welcoming to this.  It's funny how this feels like such a huge step.  Like I'm coming out of the basement and starting to look for my community.  When did believing in God become something to be ashamed about?

I'm also noticing how this project has changed what I want in the people around.  

Dear God, please send me my partner that  wants to be with me.  The one who wants to walk this earth with me.  The one that is open, honest, God loving, and able to provide for himself.

I'm ready to dream about him. 

I'm missing companionship and dinner parties. I miss having a best friend and lover. 

I miss someone but I don't know what to do about it.So I give it over to God to bring me the person that will live a godful life with me. If this is a person from my past, great, if not, let's bring this new person forth. I need community and love.  

God has given me a lot to think about today. I listened to a theologian who is also a young cancer survivor talk about the shock of cancer and having your world turned upside down and how faith was helped her. 

I told my therapist that I always pushed so hard before cancer because I didn't trust God would provide but I can no longer do that. I need to put my life in God's hands and learn to have faith. 

I know there must be a story about it in the Bible. ;)